Raising Kids Online: Generative AI & Parental Surveillance with Dr. Devorah Heitner
Technology has changed dramatically in just a few years, but has our approach to parenting kids online kept up?
This week on Parents Uncharted, Sarah sits down with Dr. Devorah Heitner, author of Growing Up in Public and Screenwise, for a nuanced conversation about raising kids in an increasingly connected, tracked, and AI-powered world.
Devorah explains why the explosion of generative AI has created new challenges for families, particularly as chatbots increasingly simulate friendship and emotional connection. But she also cautions against making fear, avoidance, or delay our only parenting strategy. Kids need opportunities to build judgment, independence, digital literacy, and the ability to navigate technology when parents aren’t watching.
Sarah and Devorah also explore the growing culture of parental surveillance: location tracking, reading texts, monitoring grades, and receiving constant updates about children’s lives. While technology can sometimes support healthy habits, Devorah argues that having access to information doesn’t necessarily mean parents need to see it, and that too much monitoring can increase parental anxiety while undermining children’s independence.
The conversation also gets practical, covering group chats, phone etiquette, location sharing, digital reputation, comparison culture, device boundaries, and the conversations families should be having as kids head back to school.
Ultimately, this episode isn’t about being anti-tech. It’s about shifting from monitoring kids to mentoring them, and helping children develop the skills they need to eventually navigate the digital world without us.
More About Dr. Devorah Heitner
Dr. Devorah Heitner is the author of Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World and Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in Their Digital World. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, and CNN Opinion. She has a Ph.D. in Media/Technology & Society from Northwestern University and has taught at DePaul and Northwestern. She is delighted to be raising her own teenager and she lives with her family in Chicagoland.
Connect w/ Dr. Devorah Heitner
Connect with Sarah Adams:
https://momuncharted.com/
https://www.instagram.com/mom.uncharted/
https://www.tiktok.com/@mom.uncharted
http://parentsuncharted.com/
https://www.instagram.com/parents.uncharted/
https://www.tiktok.com/@parents.uncharted
Chapters:
00:00) Introduction
(00:59) What has changed since Growing Up in Public?
(01:31) The explosion of AI in kids' lives
(04:27) When AI starts acting like a friend
(05:54) The problem with AI being a constant “yes person”
(08:35) Why parents feel so anxious about technology
(10:05) Why delaying technology isn't enough
(12:13) Mentoring vs. monitoring kids online
(15:42) Is tracking actually making parents more anxious?
(20:11) Back-to-school digital conversations families need
(22:16) Device zones, bedtime, and healthy tech habits
(23:50) How kids can navigate toxic group chats
(27:40) Teaching tweens and teens phone etiquette
(30:16) Snapchat, Instagram, and location sharing
(31:54) Teaching kids about digital reputation and privacy
(34:42) Why kids, and adults, should periodically clean up their feeds
(36:21) Comparison culture, achievement, and college admissions
(39:02) One digital habit parents should stop
(41:59) What gives Devorah hope about this generation
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices