I SHAKE MY HEAD

Why does Miley Cyrus just assume the kids don’t wanna dance and why does this TV ad live in your head rent-free? Are you doomed to question the science behind Miley Cyrus’ Peloton commercial forever? Is the real scandal that McRib isn’t returning to Canada, or that someone you know is eating one out of pure spite? Is your double chin more pronounced every time your webcam turns on, and do turtlenecks really serve as comfortable resting places for your extra chins? Are chip flavors like “scallop

Can you really stop judging your coworkers’ lunches, or is the judgment just moving inside your head? Is not saying what you’re thinking really personal growth? Are you ready to join Crocktober, or does the stress of crockpot police in your own home put you on the culinary bench? Is drinking Nesquik by the giant glass before bed the new hack for healthier bones or just an excuse for more sugar? Are you truly an adult if you can’t open a fruit cup without spilling, or pour a four-liter milk jug

Are you bracing yourself for mini chocolate bar season and the oncoming sugary snack avalanche? Can Halloween candy really be considered a "gateway drug" to full-on treat chaos? Is it possible to survive the next three months without falling headfirst into a tray of Nanaimo bars or eating your weight in pumpkin pie? Is it possible you’ve invented the “turkey bit bite,” or have you simply deconstructed the sandwich down to its core? A bit of turkey, a bit of stuffing and a topper of cranberry..yu

Can the human spirit ever conquer the chaotic mess that is the taco, or should we all just give up and eat a burrito the size of our arm? Lisa wonders why she can’t love tacos like the rest of the world and instead faces a crisis over what end to bite and whether the taco is just out to intimidate her. Meanwhile, Samantha has zero patience for anyone who overthinks handheld foods and just wants her bestie to quit on tacos, at least. What does forced change mean when your hairdresser of 25 years

Why do restaurants assume you don’t want dessert, are anti-dessert vibes real or all in your head? Is it rude to skip dessert, or should you start your meal with sweets just because you can? Have convenience fees and delivery charges for everyday things gotten out of control, and are we just paying for our impatience? Do you secretly judge people for their loofah-changing habits or, gasp, do you share your loofah? Have your knees ever ached just thinking about bending over to pick up a rogue pe

Do you secretly identify as meatloaf or lasagna in your senior years? Is meatloaf the steady comfort we need as we age, or would you rather have the unpredictable layers of a lasagna? When did comfort foods become the ultimate metaphor for surviving the chaos of getting older? And why, for the love of pockets, do women’s pants still come with fake pockets? Are we supposed to just feel grateful we can fit a loonie somewhere and never have our phone on us at work? Why do men get 72 places for thei

Is it even possible to become a cozy, matching-pajama-set “pot pie” woman if you hate peas... or do you just need to give up and embrace your tattered pajama empire? Why do chicken pot pies act like they’re pies when really, under that crust, it’s just a veggie ambush? Who decided it was okay for a sub to cost $19? Are we paying rent on that bread or what? And at what point during your Firehouse Subs experience do you realize the bun is doing all the heavy lifting? If you died in your worst und

Why do married people suddenly feel the need to want the same thing for supper every night? Is supper really just a nightly team-building exercise, or has it become a make-work project no one signed up for? Can someone help me understand why using ChatGPT for a comedy show poster makes you the villain of Facebook, while using Canva is practically a charitable act? How is adding words to our own badly-lit selfie suddenly a threat to civilization! Why does everyone suddenly think they’re a protei